13 BDSM Facts You Need to know.

BDSM Facts, Myths &Ideas

I am ready to get Super real about sex, and today I’m going to be sharing with you 13 things that you need to know about BDSM.

While the Fifty Shades of Grey franchise sparked an interest in BDSM most BDSM experts agree it’s not a healthy or realistic deposition and that’s because the relationship between the main characters was often breaching consent it also includes pressuring and there are many elements of it which could be considered abusive.

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Know if a stranger ever approaches you, as happens in this first movie and pressures you into signing a contract to do with your sex life, that should let off a red flag, and you should not go along with it.

Many people who are regular practitioners of BDSM attend weekly meetings AND know where the Online forums and get-togethers are where they discuss different and new techniques, different toys, and elements of being in the BDSM community.

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To me, this is awesome because it means if you’re thinking of exploring BDSM, but you’re not quite sure about it there is an amazing support network out there that can give you lots of advice and point you in the right direction. Bdsm 101 at its best

There are lots of lingoes that you need to learn as you get more into BDSM some of the most common terms are sub and domme but stand for submissive and dominant and these are two of the most common practitioner roles in the BDSM community that are also tops and bottoms which are similar to subs and doms but tend to be a bit more inclusive, particularly towards people who identify as LGBTQ.

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Another important acronym in the BDSM community is SSC and which stands for safe, sane, and consensual that is pretty much the pillar upon which all BDSM practices are built, and if you don’t abide by these practices and you’re in a BDSM form or group of even a BDSM dungeon the chances are you’ll be asked to.

BDSM isn’t just about what happens when you’re having sex a huge and really important element of BDSM is actually the pre and post-care processes that’s because really successful BDSM practices are built upon clear communication and establishing boundaries and consent.

 

For you, actually, go ahead and then post-care, which allows you to debrief with your partner to check in with them and make sure they are feeling comfortable and ok with the experience and to see if they have any feedback which can help you. You can also check out the BDSM Rules page where we list rules for both the female dominant as well as the BDSM submissive rules.

Another Big Misconception

The next big misconception about it BDSM is that it’s something that happens during sex. Still, in fact, many people practice BDSM because it is essentially about an exploration of power dynamics there are many other ways to practice outside of having sex, for example, One partner might wear a certain outfit or a certain colour that signals to the other partner that they can dominate them or must submit to them.

Potentially when they’re in a public place, this is a private agreement between the two people. Although it’s not sexual in and of itself, it can be incredibly sexually arousing for many people.

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Another huge misconception about BDSM relationships is the idea that the submissive person is essentially powerless now while it might look and maybe even feel this way nothing could be further from the truth and actual fact it’s a submissive who has the ultimate say and control and that’s because the submissive will usually have a safe word that they can use at any stage to call stop to whatever is going on.

It is ultimately the submissive that decides what kind of scenarios are going to be played out. Although we sometimes joke about the use of safewords in BDSM play in popular culture the reality is they are a really big deal in the community and that’s because they’re really important, particularly in C&C play.

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Now C&C stands for consensual non-consent, which is quite a popular BDSM practice involving things like rape fantasies or any scenario in which one person is being overpowered by another person but essentially with consent.

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It’s an agreement that’s made before the sex even begins because the person is probably going to be saying things like no and stop and I don’t want it and really yes and keep going, and I loved it, this safe word is usually something really unique that you wouldn’t hear in the bedroom like pineapple or Apples and that is so it’s easily recognizable in as soon as either person says that word the play will immediately stop.

Now BDSM might feel like fun and games and it definitely can be, but it actually requires a lot of research it’s not a good idea to just go online, buy a whole bunch of BDSM sex toys and start diving into the deep end you need to understand about different types of restraints and type of restraints that can be secured on you or your partner.

What materials are going to be safe to use on your skin you want to have a real understanding of any of the potential risks involved and what you’re going to do before you go ahead and do it.

What most people think of BDSM are chains, whips, and handcuffs. The main idea of BDSM  is this sense of power play that can be explored without any sex toys or tools whatsoever, in fact, it might be a very subtle form of dominance that just happens.

You want to have a real understanding of any of the potential risks involved in what you’re going to do before you go ahead and do it most people think of BDSM and they think of whips chains and handcuffs but for many people, BDSM doesn’t involve any of those things the main idea of BDSM comes from a sense of power play and that can be explored without any sex toys or tools whatsoever.

In fact, it might be a very subtle form of dominance that just happens with someone having to ask their partner when they can do everyday functions like visiting the restroom or make themselves a sandwich while that might sound severe for some people for others that can be incredibly arousing.

The reason it’s so arousing to so many people is that because I’m giving up control and freedom to someone else that can be a sense of escaping which can feel like quiet time.

BDSM isn’t just something that goes on between two people if you wanted to,  it can be a group or activity there are plenty of BDSM parties and dungeons if you start doing a bit of Googling online highly recommend checking these things out.

Even if you attend simply as a voyeur and don’t actually actively participate in the group activity it’s a great way for you to dip your toe into the water of BDSM.

If it’s something that’s right for you people who practice BDSM don’t put on a full latex suit and get out the whips and chains in enact scene every time they have sex, just because you participate in the BDSM community does not mean that you always have kinky sex.

It also should not mean that anyone who is into BDSM must be really screwed up in the head that is a very damaging and completely untrue myth that has been around for a long time and to be honest with you it wasn’t really helped by the Fifty Shades of Grey movie which kind of made Christian Grey the main character who practice this so-called BDSM  to Be someone who is very disturbed and had a very traumatic past.

What you will actually find in the BDSM community is that its people from all walks of life it’s older people it’s younger people its people from all races religions and economic backgrounds there is not a one-size-fits-all community and saying that someone who participates in a particular type of sex is somehow damaged is really problematic frankly a very insulting thing to say.

There was actually a study conducted into the brains of people who regularly practice BDSM and they were compared against the brains of people who regularly practice what you would say is more vanilla mainstream kind of sexual practices and what it found was that the brains of the people who regularly practice BDSM are actually a little bit healthier.

Now this study was not meant to see anyone’s intelligence what it was meant to do was highlight the fact that you can have a very healthy brain and be very educated and intelligent and still be into sadism &masochism.

So I hope from hearing these facts if you’ve had your mind opened a little bit about BDSM you may be a little bit curious now to give it a go and share in the comments below.

If anything was shared with you today has really blown your mind and if you’re curious to give it a go or maybe if you’re ready to have and can share some tips with the rest of us.

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