The D/s Relationship
Most men and women who enjoy S&M, femdom, and BDSM do so within a set time. Either by hourly sessions with a paid Professional Dominatrix or as foreplay (either light or heavy) before sex.
Although all BDSM acts carry a transfer of power, this never occurs after the session, and both parties are equal out with s&m parameters. In the case of married or dating partners, they will share equal roles in the finances, household chores, work and family etc.
For some couples, though, the dominant/submissive roles are a more permanent arrangement. Mostly, it is a female-led relationship, which we will be discussing here as this is a femdom site, but the dynamics are the same for female submissives and male Masters or gay couples with a top and bottom.
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These types of setups are extremely rare, however. Most subs and Dommes like it as an aphrodisiac and incorporate it into their sex play. They have no intention of carrying it on for a 24/7 type deal but they do happen, albeit on different levels.
The Domme/Sub Relationship Can Be in 2 types of Formats
A DS relationship can come in 2 types of formats. First is a loving, caring dynamic where both parties respect each other but ultimately, the woman carries the power for everything from finances to sex.
They will make decisions together, and possibly still argue but neither party, especially the male, is in any doubts about just how has all the power and control in the relationship. The secondly is a femdom scenario where the female will control the male and treat him as nothing more than a slave.
She may respect him, but she may not. But ultimately, she will control him completely to such an extent that his every waking moment will be spent trying to please her and doing as he is told.
Either way, though, the key is communication. All participants in BDSM have likes, dislikes and definite no-nos and it is imperative that neither party breaks the trust of the other.
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For a scenario without boundaries, you have a DS lifestyle which, although similar, has different dynamics. For the lifestyle, it is important to communicate with each other, and Domme never oversteps the mark by enforcing something on him that he doesn’t want.
A perfect example of this is cuckolding. Unless he wants her to sleep with other men (usually if they are also using chastity for him, then this goes along with it), then it is just cheating and that, despite being submissive to her, is not something a lot of men can handle.
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It also carries over to other aspects, such as punishments for not fulfilling tasks. He might not want his ass beat with a belt because her morning coffee was late. Although one of you is in charge, it is not carte blanche to do as you please to the submissive.
The first format is by far the most common. Men have always been submissive to females, but for some, that carries over into their relationships. Many Dominant women and submissive males will seek out an opponent and create a D/S relationship for a 24/7 lifestyle.
These can have varying degrees of control, although the man always knows who calls the shots. Many vanilla relationships have one partner who controls the finances, another who does the house chores etc. For a DS relationship, though, the woman decides everything.
These types of relationships have differing levels of control. With regards to finances, it might be that they both earn from jobs, but the man doesn’t have a bank card, or if he does, it is a pre-paid card with a pre-set “allowance” he gets each month or week.
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His wife will take control of the bills, house expenses, upgrades etc. She may decide where they go on vacation each year with him having no say in the matter. She will decide on home décor, where they go out to eat, what meals they have etc, whilst the man takes care of all the housework and the chores, often from a list she has made for him.
I know of one DS couple one Christmas where she ripped open all the presents, left the paper for them lying everywhere, and then made her BF tidy it all up while she watched TV.
This is a powerful turn-on for both parties.
Regarding sex, it goes without question that she will dictate and that his entire technique will be set up to cater for her, even at his own expense.
One of the Most Common acts in Power Play
The most common act when it comes to the sex power play in a femdom lifestyle is receiving oral whenever she wants it while he gets nothing. Many couples employ the rule that every morning, the man will give the woman at least one orgasm via oral and, if she wants it, sex.
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This might sound good, but a rule also added is that the male must never orgasm so that he is capable of satisfying the female completely. Once she is satisfied, she has no further need for him, so he is dismissed without cumming.
This ensures two things. Firstly that he always remembers who controls his orgasms, and secondly, it keeps him horny at all times in case she needs him for more pleasure. Using sex is a powerful way to cement the power dynamic in a DS relationship, and limiting the male’s orgasms ensures his subservience.
Many couples will use a chastity device on the man to ensure he isn’t cheating by masturbating when she isn’t around to keep an eye on him.
The second scenario is much less common but still happens. In this one, the female has complete and utter control of the relationship.
The first scenario is more a sensual domination-type deal, whereas this one is a hardcore, complete and utter power exchange. The man is little more than a slave to the female who rules with an iron fist.
She may work to earn money while he is the house-husband taking care of the chores and housework. A list of strict rules will be administered for him to abide by, and she will keep him in line with severe punishments. She will control everything from finances to internet usage.
Whilst the two adults are still classed as in a relationship, there is no hint of equality between them, and the submissive will almost live in fear of upsetting or displeasing his better.
Ds Relationship is different from Ds Lifestyle
That being said, however, a DS relationship is different from a DS lifestyle and therefore, there is still a factor of what is acceptable and what isn’t within the dynamics. Both parties still need to respect one another, even if the domme doesn’t show it.
If you take a pencil and you break it, it ceases to be useful to you anymore. It is the same as a submissive or slave. Any tasks given or punishments meted out need to be following agreed-upon parameters. Whilst being basically the Dominant’s slave, the male still has certain human rights that will, and must, be observed.
A full DS relationship is entirely possible. It can be 100%, 50% or even 10% of the time but it is still able to be had. IF this is something that you and your partner have discussed and wish to explore more then there are countless sources of information on the internet, or alternatively why not use a live femdom cams site?
These sites have dozens of lifestyle dommes who will be happy to set up a sort of workshop for you both where they can answer any questions you have as well as give you tips, hints and ideas.
Either way, if you are a genuine sub or Domme and wish to have a relationship based on this, they are there for the taking.